Wall-Builders and the People who Love Them....

So I have come to find how hard break-ups and heartbreak can be.

Yet there are so many women and even men in this world who fall in love with people that spend their time building walls around their hearts, thinking that they can protect them. The truth is, the walls made out of imaginary bricks, have holes that go unseen by the maker. Walls are not meant to be kept around the heart, because the heart's capacity to love is infinite, cannot be measured nor enclosed, so no wall could ever contain it. For those of you who have loved a "wall-builder" or those of you who are wall-builders, I hope you are able to get something out of this that can lead you to a path of endless happiness....

To you,

You may have many goals in life the main root of all being success. I'm very sure that you could build empires if you wanted to. But keep in mind records can broken, money can come and go, and no physical creation will last forever; With every sky scrapper you build, there will always be someone else that can build greater. Instead, take the time to decide what legacy you want to build and leave behind. The ones who will remember it and those you leave it to, are the ones who love you. If not them, you leave it to the rest of the world and the world can be a fickle place at times. Ask yourself: Who do you want to be, "the man who lives to work or the man who works to live?" Unfortunately, life is hard in every aspect. But whether you work every single day of your life or a shorter period, work is routine and doesn't change. For the man who works every day of his life, work is merely a way for he who can't handle the consequences of living.

Life IS Beautiful. Every experience you have is tied to an endless array of emotions that we have as human beings! They are deeply entwined with who we are and who we become, which is why a memory can be so uplifting and beautiful because it is tied to those emotions with fondness in our hearts. Although, along with the good there can also be bad. There will always be a duality in life and within ourselves. This duality, although very complex, has over time been defined or labeled as "Good-Bad", "Black-White" or "Good-Evil." The reason for this duality is so that we can know without a shadow of a doubt that "Yes, I AM HAPPY!" Without experiencing the bad there would be no way for us to know the good. Love and happiness are just as much a part of living as sadness and pain; and even though it sounds "bad", they are meant to be experienced just as completely, not merely as a sting or flesh wound but really Felt, so as to be understood. But know this, Feeling Is Healing!!! No matter what happens to you in life you have the ability to overcome anything!! However, in order to do so you must first give in to those bad emotions, because as soon as you are able to feel the bad you can begin to overcome it and go back toward the Good. If you constantly ignore it or push it away, you go nowhere and the amount of pain you will feel later on only grows stronger. Just as happiness and love can overwhelm you, when you are heartbroken and devastated, sadness and pain is just as overwhelming. Running from the pain or sadness is not wise, because when you run or move without cause you are merely running away from something that will Always find you. You are strong and great because you are human and have a capacity to be so. You have a great heart but like everyone else, at times are afraid to give in to those bad emotions. It is never easy to admit defeat to anyone, especially to yourself. But the instant you Feel, it begins to leave you and you can begin to rise above it!

I hope this helps, and you take the time to slowly understand it. As I can share my advice or wisdom, I have listened to words of great men who came before me. These are some of them:

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away" -Anonymous

"The great use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it."- William James

"It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all." - William Shakespeare

Renaissance: The Event!

This is the beginning of the story that forever changed my life.

It wasn't long before I new my life would change, I always felt that there was a change coming; had I known that my continous wishing to start over would have resulted in this end I would have been more mindful of what it was I wished for. Nevertheless, my wish came true and on January 22, 2011 at the beginning of the new year my Renaissance or Rebirth began.....

On that day I woke up kissing my sweetheart good morning sending him off to work while I stayed home to clean up the mess left behind from the magnificent dinner of the night before. After the mess was made clean, I enjoyed my time under the sun soaking up some rays and catching up on some reading for class. The day was calm and peaceful and I was blissfully unaware of the fateful encounter that awaited me just hours to come. Satisfied with completing all of my reading I decided to change into my workout outfit planning to continue the great day with a jog around the neighborhood before He would return from work when we planned to go to the gym together.

Along my way past all of the suburbial-looking houses I reflected on all of the history that passed throughout these streets in the homes that were the originals built in these early estates in Anaheim Hills; "what stories could the original owners, now mostly deceased who have passed down their estate to their heirs and those who now spend a majority of their time inside watching the magnificent views of the hills from the chairs they place by their windows reminding them of what they enjoyed in their youth, tell about the early times before all of the city lights took up the nights sky and the stars fell upon the city below?" Yet as I continued through my 3rd lap around the streets, I began to feel as if something was strange. At first I thought that maybe people would become suspicious of me jogging in a large continuous circle. Then, I began to feel that things were out of place; there were doors left open, a police patrol car that I hadn't seen in the estates before was circling the street, two girls began to run from me and then chase after me. I began to feel an overwhelming sensation that something was about to happen or was happening and I should return to the house.

I ran up the last hill around the street and saw the house, He had come back from work. As soon as I saw the car in the driveway I became calm, I was happy to see him and the fear that had begun to creep up on me went away. We met in the doorway smiling, and it was then that He said that this beautiful day deserved a bike ride around the park; so instead of the gym we took out his bikes. I normally prefer to ride beach cruisers instead of the mountain bikes with front hand gears and brakes, but those were the kind he and his brother rode. The bikes were out on the driveway, no helmets were found and no phones were brought along and it was then that our desired adventure began.

We went up the road to the exit toward the street, past the patrol car I had seen earlier that was also exiting. As he saw the car he turned back and said that it was odd to see one of those cars here, which reminded me of of my original thought before and I began to feel a little uneasy again. I asked him where we were going and he said that we were going to the park at the bottom of the hill near by. We went up the first part of the hill to the top with out much difficulty. As soon as we went down I began to pick up speed much too quickly for my liking! This hill with its winding roads just added to the tension, fear, and speed that quickly began increasing. I watched him in front going faster but I clasped onto the Front Right brake and was still going faster than some of the cars on the road! I felt out of control and knew that I was going too fast, that something bad was going to happen and that I was going way too fast to begin braking with the left brake as well! I saw him stop up ahead by the entrance to the golf course. I knew that there was a very high chance that I would fall or flip over but I tried to come up with another option. Panicking and trying to think quickly I saw that the entrance to the parking lot had an incline and decided that if I could turn right into it I could try to slow down. I began to turn and grab both brakes but I couldn't turn and ended up on the grass path, and it was then I knew that I was going to fall and crash! The only thing I could do was SCREAM "OH MY GOD!!!" He turned around so quickly and just at that moment everything went dark! I remember his face, the grass, the brick sign in front of me and me looking down at the brakes.........

I had crashed head first into the brick sign for the golf course and then fell back onto the huge light that was fixed into the grass, meant to light the sign at night. I was unconscious upon impact......He said he ran to me trying to hold me in his arms yelling for me to wake up! But I did not...I lay there bleeding and dying....A man that had been walking to his car saw what had happened and he ran over to let him call 911 since we both left our phones at home, something that never happens..... I had hit my head against the sign that left a star shaped cut all the way to my skull fracturing it and bleeding. I fractured 6 vertebrae all along the side of my neck and one in the back of my neck...I had a brain bleed in the back of my head, a fractured scapula in the back and two dislocated ribs. I sustained a bad brachial plexus injury that caused me to loose the use of my right arm.

I woke up for brief moments when the paramedics arrived and it felt as if I was dreaming, having an out of body experience. I saw myself on the gurney, talking to the paramedics looking at the man who saved my life, the man I cared so much about. They pulled me up into the ambulance they were going to close the doors and I told him "Baby, your coming with me right? I want you to come with me. Baby, you come with me!" He said yes Baby, I'm coming with you. I'm going to sit up front I'm coming with you Baby. I saw myself in a dream-like way in the ambulance looking at myself and then looking through my eyes at him and asking him if I was dreaming: "Am I dreaming? Is this a dream? I want to wake up! This isn't real!!" with tears rolling down my cheeks. He looked at me speechless not knowing what to say. Then the paramedic said "No, this is not a dream, your not dreaming, this IS real....." I felt completely convinced that I was dreaming that I was having a bad dream and this wasn't the real event that would impact the rest of my life!! I closed my eyes hoping that the next time I opened them I would wake up in my bed in the morning; but in the back of my mind I knew that I hadn't fallen asleep, that it was still evening and this really was happening. That was the last that I remember before waking up later in the hospital.